Hurt Beyond This
by Haileyfan1
Summary: Lily breaks Narcissa’s heart, she doesn’t exactly deal with it in the best of ways


**Title: **Hurt beyond this

**Author: **Haileyfan1

**Summary: **Lily breaks Narcissa's heart, she doesn't exactly deal with it in the best of ways.

**Rating: **R

**Warning: **femslash, language, adult themes, alcoholism… kinda dark I think…

As always, reviews are greatly appreciated

_Room of Requirement, Narcissa's 7th year, her current desire: "I wish for a room...a room to forget my troubles,...forget everything" and so the Come-and-Go room granted just that, one filled with shelves of every liquor imaginable and plush beds to pass out on, a silencing charm fortified its walls so that no one would hear...no one would hear her cries._

First the anger: Narcissa had screamed, her voice coming out strangled, hoarse, ragged. She screamed until no sound would will itself out of her mouth. Throwing anything she could get her hands on, imagining that all the things were Potter as they came crashing to the ground. And hours later, the heartbreak:

Narcissa's body trembled as it was racked with sobs, the half empty bottle of fire whiskey dangled loosely in her hands. She knew she wasn't supposed to be out this late, being caught, meant double detentions and possible expulsion for underage drinking, she wasn't supposed to be in this room, full of liquor, forgetting her troubles, forgetting her problems, forgetting the girl that held her heart, forgetting what that same girl had done.

Narcissa took another swig of the burning whiskey, some of it dribbling down her chin, her neck, splattering on her robes. She didn't care, she didn't care about anything at the moment except reaching for another cold one, that and snapping James Potter in half.

_"Fuck..."_ she drawled out.

Narcissa had never been a heavy drinker, hell, she didn't even know if this qualified her as one. Always taking her wine in moderation, with that principal now out the window, Narcissa took another swig of her whiskey and wished for a stress release. Muggle cigarettes appeared on the table nearest her, but she didn't feel like getting up. Instead she opted for the bottle again, coughing lightly as the cold, rough liquid slid down her throat, burning her to the very core. She coughed again, liquor managed to spill forth from her pale lips. Narcissa stopped this however as she dipped her head back and drained the last of the bottle, the liquor no longer coming back up her throat, instead it seared in her stomach which hadn't had an ounce of food all day.

Standing up after what seemed like days on that floor with her knees scrunched to her chest, her bones cracked as she did so and tried to walk over to the table. Her legs felt like jelly underneath her weight and she couldn't even muster enough effort to lift her feet off the floor. So she dragged them, tripping over the fine strands of the carpet underneath her feet she made it to the table. Placing a shaky hand down on it's surface, she reached for the carton of cigarettes only to miss and her grasp fell upon the soft blue carpet as she hit the ground full force. Her body barely registered that it wasn't standing anymore, as it hadn't felt like she was in the first place. So Narcissa just laid there, her face smashed against the mass of blue, her arms which had made an attempt to grab for her cigarettes and failed, now lay sprawled out in front of her, useless numb limbs. Her legs lay crumpled beneath her, one of them twitching every now and then.

A bit of drool spilled down Narcissa's chin as the alcohol continued to ease her body towards a comatose state, the memories of that very morning exploded before her closed eyelids and she could do nothing to stop them as her alcohol induced sleep dragged her down further.

_Narcissa sat in the deserted Slytherin common room early in the morning, lazing on the sofa, putting off her homework for the fifth time already. There was a sudden shift from the other side of the room and in walked a slightly dazed Gryffindor with red locks and anything but a smile on her usually, happy face. Narcissa looked up from the novel that she had been reading to find Lily standing before her with confusion written all over her features. Was it even that? Confusion? Cold and distant eyes bore into the blonde before her, they were glazed over as if to say that she didn't know what she'd just done. _

_"Lily, what's wrong?" Narcissa asked softly as she sat up, motioning for the other girl to sit next to her. _

_The other girl did so, but with unexpected hesitation. Narcissa turned the Gryffindor to face her, Lily, staring into the other girl's cerulean blues, began to shake, a sob slowly creeping its way up and out of the girl's throat. Lily crashed her lips against Narcissa's and clutched at her robes, she was almost hysterical as tears came out in waves. Narcissa held the sobbing girl to her, wrapping her arms around the redhead and kissing away her tears. Soon, Lily regained her composure, wiping the salty waters away with the back of her hand, she wouldn't look Narcissa in the eyes. _

_"Baby, what's wrong?" Narcissa asked again, her voice was hushed, gentle. The Slytherin blonde cupped the girl's chin and Lily immediately snapped her head up, staring into those cerulean blues once more. _

_"I...I'm sorry..." Lily choked out, her voice cracking. _

_"For what Princess?" Narcissa said lightly, her eyes instantly filled with worry._

_Lily stared at the beautiful, amazing girl before her and then the tears started to fall again as Lily heard Narcissa use the nickname that she had, only, for the redhead. Willing her tears to stop flowing, Lily spoke once more, her voice was jagged and her breath came in gasps. _

_"I'm anything but your princess." she whispered._

_"Why do you say that?" a small frown creasing Narcissa's features._

_"I...I...I'm so sorry..." she sobbed again, putting some space between the two of them, she explained why. "I...James...we...we made love...I'm so sorry." The words had slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, Lily sobbed, not daring to look Narcissa in the eyes. "We were studying together and..." Lily couldn't go any further._

_"Made love?" Narcissa said quietly, forcing herself calm. "No...Lily...you fucked each other, screwed, boinked, rode, whatever, but one thing I do know is that you did not make love. Making love is what we do, you and I, together. You want to know why?" Narcissa had tears sitting at the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall, but they never did, they never had the chance. Lily looked up at Narcissa once more. "Do I even have to answer?" Narcissa breathed out, seething, her body shook with anger, one hand clenched tightly around her wand, the other formed a fist. _

_"Narcissa..." Lily whispered. _

_Narcissa shied away from the girl's feather light touch and the words. "Leave, now." left her mouth through clenched teeth. _

_"Narcissa, please..." she begged, Narcissa turned her back to the girl, refusing to meet her gaze._

_"Leave." she repeated._

_"Cissa..." her voice was pleading._

_"Leave, damn it!" Narcissa said angrily, quickly turning around to see Lily's shocked form. _

_Without another word, the girl left Narcissa to her solitude, silently exiting the Slytherin common room. Narcissa fell back onto the plush leather sofa, cursing herself mentally, she wanted to scream...but she wouldn't, couldn't, at least not in front of the now present company._

_"Cissy...I'm sorry about you and..." Andromeda looked at her sister's slumped form worriedly. _

_"Sorry about what, sister?" Narcissa said, angry and annoyed at the intrusion. _

_"You and Lily."_

_"How much did you hear?"_

_"Everything."_

_"So much for locked doors." Narcissa rolled her eyes at the expression. "Anyone else?"_

_"No." _

_"Good and as far as this goes, there's nothing to be sorry for, I don't know what you're talking about." Narcissa glared at her sister before getting up and leaving the common room. _

_Instead of going to breakfast like Andromeda was, like any normal person on this seemingly normal day at Hogwarts, Narcissa made her way to the seventh floor, stopping only when she reached the blank wall opposite the tapestry of foolish Barnabas the Barmy. Walking past thrice, a door appeared and Narcissa entered, not caring if anyone saw her._

The images faded out, Narcissa came to, or rather, her body had been thrashing around from the memory and she had smashed her head against the table, sending one of the liquor bottles raining down on her cold hand. Narcissa looked around, not fully aware of where she was, she lifted her head off of the soft carpet only to have it crash back down again. The movement causing a wave of nausea to form in the pit of her stomach, it creeped its way slowly up her throat and into the back of her mouth. No, Narcissa somehow managed to force it back down. Rolling over onto her back, the blonde sat up slowly, hoping her nausea would take a backseat to the pain now coming from her throbbing head and bleeding hand.

Standing up slowly, her bones cracking with every movement she forced upon her failing body, she sat unsteadily on the table-top. Grabbing another bottle of liquor from the large table, Narcissa twisted off the cap and took a sip. It would have tasted bitter, if Narcissa's taste buds weren't already bathing in the sweet numb bliss of her alcohol consumption. Narcissa made another grab for the cigarettes, she missed again, but this time it was because they had fallen off the table.

Narcissa shrugged and fell back against the hard, cold metal of the table. Taking another swig from her newly opened bottle, it was already half gone. The blonde sighed, her body trembling from too much liquor, her limbs were cold and numb, she couldn't feel anything, not that she wanted to, and lastly, her thoughts nonexistent, as the urge to keep her eyes open left her and the alcohol induced sleep dragged her down once more.


End file.
